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What does birthing 5 babies, stepping on countless matchbox cars and legos, cutting my finger open, having my wisdom teeth taken out, biting the hookey poo out of my tongue and an ear candleing session gone bad all have in common?!

Nothing, except they all hurt less than breaking my toe this morning.

(according to Wikipedia it’s broken. and I have cholera, stage 7 eyelash cancer and too many freckles)

Loch had been quiet for about 2 minutes and it made me nervous, so I went to find him. Usually he is playing in the toilet or trying to see what is inside every.single.drawer. in the bathroom. It doesn’t matter if I shut and lock the door. I swear the kid can morph into a pancake and slide right underneath it!

Anyway, he was in my mother in loves room this time. It’s like they have radar for all the things they aren’t supposed to get into to. I will never understand the mind of a crawler. I mean really! Who in their right mind would put stuff off the floor in their mouth?! Ugh. So nasty.

So. He is playing with things he ought not to and I enter at just the right time. Swiftly I might add. Apparently I completely forgot about the ginormous dresser that was against the wall because I literally kicked the snot out of it and said some words that I’m sure my kids will be repeating at church. It was a miracle in itself that I could pick Loch up while I was hoping up and down and feeling like I was going to pass out! The poor kid was scared to death because I was making this guttural, un-natural noise that couldn’t be repeated even if I tried. Seriously..way worse pain than natural labor!

I got the kids put downstairs with bottles of milk and hobbled my way to the computer to figure out what the heck to do for a broken toe. Turns out my mom was right. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do for it! You would think that with all the advancements in modern medicine that someone would have come up with something, but I guess that’s just one more thing to add to my “If I invent this I will make us millions” list. I do remember reading that housework and excercise hinder the healing process and could cause my toe to fall off. So, in the interest of not limping for the rest of my life because I’m off-balance from a missing pinky toe, I think I will pile up on the couch and pinterest for the rest of the day.

Who would’ve thought that this laughing, chubby, sweet mess of a boy would be solely responsible for my weight gain over the next 2 weeks?! Cause according to the internets..burpees and jumping jacks aren’t advised with a broken toe. (or with a perfectly normal toe for that matter!)