Yesterday, Brooks came in the bathroom where I was getting out of the shower, and said the sentence no mom wants to hear.
“uhhhh mom? You need to go see what Wake and Finley are doing in her room!”
I said something under my breath that TVGuardian wouldn’t approve of and braced myself.
I opened the door to her room and saw not one, but two completely naked kids peeing in a bowl.
I bent down and with a voice devoid of all nice mom said:
“have you people lost your minds?! Are you freaking kidding me right now?! This is absolutely NOT OK! We have 2 bathrooms in this house. 2. And no one was using the toilet! Oh my good grief. I think I’m gonna…ohmygosh! Is that pee on the floor?! I have spent at least an hour today working on this room and you go and pee in it? What in the world were you thinking?!”
To which Wake said:
“I don’t know! My brain just stopped!”
Your brain just stopped?!
“Excuse me mister. But I think you are sadly mistaken if you think that excuse will fly. Your brain isn’t allowed to just stop. It don’t work like that!”
And then all I heard was a bunch of crying and Fin’s über annoying mix of crying/screaming/screeching. I will never understand how girls are born with the ability to ooze drama at the drop of a hat. Blows my mind!
We had a nice little come to Jesus meeting with the paddle and I sent them to their beds.
And then got them back up because they were tired and using this as a chance to nap.
Which ain’t gonna happen.
If momma can’t nap…can’t NOBODY nap. Especially not 2 kids who think its normal to pee in a dadgum bowl!
After the fact, all I could think about was that stupid Antoine Dodson YouTube clip about “hide yo wife hide yo kids..they raping errbody up in her”. But I changed the words to “hide your cups, hide yo bowls..they peein on errthin up in her!” The kids just gave me cow-lookin-at-a-new-gate stares and didn’t laugh at all. Naturally.
Never a boring day. Ever.
Ain’t nobody got time for dat!