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Dear John Bridge,

Seriously?!? Are you trying to kill me?!?
You went to sleep last night around 8:15. (Score one for mom on the bedtime routine btw.) The house was quiet until you decided that you needed some more milk and started yelling at me in true Chazz Reinhold fashion.
“MOM! MOM! GAH! MILK! MOM!”

Get a grip son! It’s 3 in the morning. You don’t need another bottle of milk! There is absolutely no point in throwing the door open and yelling at me. I’m exhausted from taking care of you guys all day and it’s sad, but the little bit of sleep I get a night is something that I look forward to!
Coming into my room and peeing on my floor? NOT something I look forward to. (I’m starting to see a pattern in his nighttime “routine”)
I made you a pallet on the floor and the least you could do was actually stay on it! But no…I found you in the bathroom (again) playing with the hair bows. And yes, you are very pretty. Less pretty than what you would be at 10am though.
Taking my phone charger and hiding it? Genius.
Using the baking soda I had accidentally left out on the bathroom counter from my Pinterest face mask as a very failed attempt at crop dusting the hallway? Also genius.
Climbing up the side of the bed and leaning down into my face until you are barely touching me which then makes me freak the heck out when I wake up in a panic because I feel you breathing on me? Not so genius.
I love you. Probably more than I should.
But dang it man!

Promise me that tonight you will just sleep in your own bed and be fine with not repeating any of last night, ok? Cause mommy can’t guarantee that I won’t put a beat down on you if you ever try to wake me up like that again.

Oh, and one more thing.

don’t you ever put the toilet bowl scrubber on my back again. I don’t need it scratched at 3am and if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be with that.

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