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I need some help.

And no, this is not me recognizing that it’s finally time to check into McCalls Chapel.

My kids hate sleeping in their own beds.

Exhibit A:

Last night, they ate dinner, had a bath and were in bed by 8:30. Asleep by 9.
At 1:30am I woke up to Loch pounding on the wall, which is code for “bring me some milk woman!”. When I got up, I noticed that Brooks was asleep on John’s side of the bed and that Finley had weaseled her way onto my side of the bed. (how she does this and I never know is beyond me)
Bridge was asleep on the floor in their room and Wake was asleep on his bed. Sweet, precious Wake.
I got the milk, moved Brooks and Finley and then went back to bed. At 3:50ish John Bridge was standing at my side and had his face right over mine. Scared the poo outta me! I put him back in his bed and then found Finley on John’s side. Moved her back to her bed and then went back to my bed. Around 5:30, I was burning up and found Brooks beside me. I moved him to the couch because let’s face it. He wasn’t going to stay in his bed.

Exhibit B:

Repeat exhibit A, but with Wake thrown into the mix.


I’m worn out! John sleeps like a bear hibernating, so he’s rarely part of the night time drama. Some nights, John Bridge full out talks to me in his sleep. He hollered at me from his bed last night and then it was quiet.
Finley has night terrors sometimes and it’s always an ordeal to get her calmed down. (I wake John up for those. I don’t handle it well at all.)
Loch is firmly convinced that hollering at me and pounding on the wall is the best way to handle anything. I secretly think he’s a caveman.

It takes John forever to fall asleep, so about the time he actually gets to REM sleep, someone is already in our bed.
I don’t think I’ve REM’d since Nixon!

Any suggestions? We’ve tried melatonin. We’ve tried reading to them before bed. We’ve let them settle down with a movie. We always do night time prayers and they have a routine with that.
I’m running out of ideas!! And I think people frown on duct taping them to the bed.

I’m open to any and all ideas.

Cause momma needs some decent sleep before I lose my car keys again, leave the charger plugged into the van and run the battery down and not realize it until I have strapped all the kids in and it’s 108* outside, wash their hair with face wash, do a whole load of laundry without soap and walk around Target singing Donut Man songs.

(Not that any of this has happened to me lately or anything.)