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Dear John Bridge,

I love you.
I love your adventurous spirit.
I love that you dance to the beat of a different drum.

But so help me…if I ever walk into the living room and see thousands of tiny diaper gel beads all over the floor again I will go Madea on you so fast you won’t know what hit you!

Taking your own diaper off when I ask you too? Awesome.
Taking it off when you want to? Not awesome.
Taking it off, tearing it up and sending thousands of nappy pee filled gel balls across my living room floor? The exact opposite of awesome.
Did you know that you can’t vacuum them up? That it clogs the hose and then you have to use a wire hanger to unclog it? Yeah me either.
Did you also know that they stick to the bottom of the broom and create one giant ball of gross? Yeah me either.
Oh, and how about your feet when you step on what you think is just normal carpet and then realize that something is actually squishing thru your toes?! Yeah. It’s so NOT a fun feeling.
Sand between my toes in Panama City Beach? Fun.
This? Not at all.

I get that you wanted your diaper changed. I love that you can’t stand to sit in a wet diaper. But for the freakin love! Tell me! Come get me! Don’t surprise me!

Potty training needs to happen ASAP but I’m so worn down from the rest of the stuff you do that I can’t even think about it. I want you to be out of diapers just as much as you do and probably more!

I’m hoping this is the last time we have to have this discussion. Highly doubt it, but at least next time I will know that you can’t use the vacuum or the broom. (Which only leaves your hands btw..and dawn dish soap isn’t exactly known for making your hands soft. Plus, the gag factor of picking up gelled pee…ugh.)

Annnnnnnd..I just saw you run by me with a banana in one hand and a brush in the other. Which can only mean 1 thing. Pretty confident it isn’t that you are eating the banana and putting the hairbrush up where it goes, cause that would be something that actually makes sense to do.

Please be nice to me. I really need it.