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Dear Jessica Alba,

You are precious.

I love your movies.

but

I recently read an article in which you state “I have cellulite and stretch marks – and a muffin top!”.

So, naturally, I had to open the picture associated with this news worthy story. It’s not everyday that I read about a Hollywood “it” girl deciding to be real and share her flaws with the masses.

girlfriend.

Is this what you call cellulite, stretch marks and a muffin top???????

jessica alba

(this is the picture that was attached to the news article.)

shutthefrontdoor

Can I be transparent with you? As a woman who struggles with self image, this doesn’t do a dang thing to help me. The crazy tabloid pictures of Kristie Alley in a swimsuit with things hanging out all sides? That makes me feel a little bit better about myself.

But this?

GO EAT A DADGUM GREASY BURGER!!!

Help me understand exactly what you mean by muffin top, cause I don’t think we are on the same page on this one. My muffin top doesn’t look anything like yours. My muffin top brings not only the boys to the yard but their parents, friends and cousins-uncles-girlfriend-twice removed! (pretty sure this is the most I’ve ever used the word muffin top.)

What you are rocking in the above picture? Yeah. That’s what we in the normal jean size world call a flat stomach.

Maybe it’s just jealousy cropping out in me.

Or maybe it’s just that I’m on my own journey to discover my hidden 6 pack. (oh, it’s there. waaaaaay down deep. and probably covered by a layer of reeses easter eggs.)

After you’ve birthed 5 babies and can get from California to Australia on your stretch mark filled stomach, come find me. And then we can compare.

But until then?

Go to the Christian Chicken. Order you about 4 crispy sandwiches and a side of peach milkshake. Every day. For a year.

Love,

A size 12/14 mom of 5 who has eaten actual muffins larger than your stomach.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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