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How do you honor a life you never knew? How do you love someone you just met? How do you look into the eyes of parents who went through hell and back to only be met with silence? I wish I had the answers, but I do know that Ryder James Capps was loved from the very moment I knew he existed. Sitting around the dinner table with our best friends and crying while watching a video that revealed the pregnancy is just the beginning of my love affair with this little boy.

Getting the news that he had passed away 21 weeks into his short little life took the breath out of my body. Why?! Why did this have to happen to them, again? Why does God allow happiness to be taken away so swiftly? It was then that I remembered the best uncle Ryder will never know this side of Heaven had preached on not having a happy home but a Holy one. A home that brings God glory in every single circumstance. A home that puts Him first. Yesterday, I witnessed this family truly make a hospital room their home. The air was thick with Him and as I stood in the hallway waiting and praying, I couldn’t help but start singing:

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend, Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

I sang this over and over.
Hours upon hours.
Through tears and with a smile on my face.
I have seen over and over again His faithful hand on our sweet friends. I have witnessed first hand their passionate pursuit of Holy and the grace and mercy that flows out of them in the process.


Yesterday was a Holy day.
A day worth celebrating.
The day that brought Ryder James, the nephew I will never get to hold again, but who holds a special place in my heart.