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I have full confidence that God sent us to Kenya this week.
I have full confidence that God has His hand over every aspect of our trip.
I am honestly interested in glorifying God and not bringing a black eye on what He is doing, anywhere.

God is working in me this week.
I am learning.
I am utterly destroyed that my word choices may have led someone to believe that I am here for me.
I am grateful to God for ALL the ways He uses to refine me into the woman He created me to be.
Will I get it right all the time? absolutely not
Will He continue to show me areas in my life that need to be sloughed off and made new? Absolutely

This week has been so humbling for me. To see life outside of my everyday norm. To see how God has used a group of men and women to radically change the country of Kenya for Him.
Because of the willingness of so many missionaries to listen to the call He has placed on their lives, Kenya became their home.
I’ve listened to countless stories this week of ways God has used imperfect people to bring about His Word to a country that was starving for Him.
And the result? Kenya is one of the most Christian saturated countries in all the World!
I am completely devastated to think that by my words this week, someone would interpret that as my disappointment in what God has done.

I am grateful that there are industrial advancements.
I am grateful that people are living in better situations than what they had been previously.
I am grateful that people have been given the opportunity to better their situation.
I am grateful that God used my disillusionment, in the form of disappointment, to show me that there was a speck in my eye towards Nairobi. That what I thought was going to be, wasn’t in fact that way.

Praise God for that!

What God is doing is transforming me by the renewing of my mind.
In my weakness, He is made strong.
In my poor word choices, He brings about good.

Did I completely underestimate Nairobi? Yes.
Was that wrong on my part?Yes.

I would like to publicly apologize to the men and women who have been hurt by my words.
In complete humility and with a broken heart, I would like to ask for your forgiveness.

I am grateful to have a Father who is willing to break my heart for what breaks His. Who loves me with a love deeper than I will ever be able to know. Who allows me to make mistakes and learn from them. Who holds me when I cry and hears my heart when words aren’t enough.

This kind of love was foreign to me until God got ahold of my life.
When I was 15, I went on a mission trip to Mexico with my grandparents. It was the first time I had been outside of the US and I can tell you I wasn’t prepared at all for that trip.
I had made a profession of faith when I was 7 years old at our local church, and in my 7 year old faith, it was as real as it could be.
But when God got ahold of me at 15, I realized that I hadn’t been living my life for him.
That I was a selfish human being that desperately needed Him.
That my heart was prone to wander.

From that moment on, did I live every single moment for God? No.

I am ashamed to admit that I have stepped away from His plan for my life more times that I ever should.
I have tried to do it on my own.
I have made choices that broke His heart.

But He loved me in spite of that.
He still loves me in spite of myself and the many ways I choose to mess up my life.
He loves me when I am an awful communicator.
He loves me when I have to humble myself and ask for forgiveness.
He loves me when I miss the mark and step outside His will.

Do you know this kind of love?
A love that loves the unlovely?

If not, I would love to talk to you about it.

And I know He will use all of this for His good.

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